Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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