addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
