Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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