this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
