Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
