puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
