hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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