Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
