five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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