I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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