It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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