I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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