I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
