How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
