fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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