I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
