see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
