My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry about my life...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
