Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
