the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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