Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
