So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
