how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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