The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
