u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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