I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am in a vortex of obligation.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
