you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
