he was CRYING into my vagina
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
