my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
