I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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