my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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