Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
