oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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