WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
