Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
