with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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