Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
