There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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