Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
