i think i have two assholes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
