you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
