We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
