so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want nice things and good sex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
