So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your penis caused this!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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