Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
