I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
