Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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