he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
