haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
