Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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