he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
